Yesterday I was subjected to a stream of tears as I said goodbye to my best friend. For the third time.
Goodbyes are never easy. She cried, her mum cried. I held it together and waited until the walk home to have a little sob as the rain and hail poured upon me. I didn’t stick around to watch the car drive off into the distance because I just wasn’t strong enough to do it.
She has jetted back to what I suppose is now is safe to say her official home in China, where she teaches English.
We discussed the possibility of my sister and I going to visit her in June time, which I hope will happen as I would love to see the area where her new life is.
We even spoke about the possibility of myself also going out there for a year come this September time. I like the idea. Very much so, but it is safe to say I am a home bird, and that it would be a very big step for me. One of the reason’s I didn’t end up accepting my unconditional offer at Manchester Met University is because of the fear of being to far away from my family, the fear of being alone and not making new friends. Fear of losing my old friends. (There are other reasons which I wish not to name at the moment)
I didn’t make a firm decision because I have several commitments here which need attending first, besides I would only have to give her about a months notice or so if I wanted to join her. Also 8 months is a long time to be able to change my mind, who knows what might happen here in that time? I might fall desperately in love like the hopeless romantic in me craves. But then again, I may be throwing away an opportunity of a life time for something that isn’t definitely going to happen.
I suppose all I can do is live life as it comes for the moment, battle my inner demons of fear of the unknown, and see where I go from there.